• Alexandra

Letter to my Younger Self

Dear younger me,

Even after you get married, after you find the one, the “man of your dreams,” you will still be lonely. Even after you have a baby, or even fraternal twins, you may still wonder what’s missing. Even after you have published a book, graduated with your Master’s degree; after you obtain your dream job, even still; your heart will ache. This same longing you attribute to being single, overqualified in your current position, or the loss of a loved one; will remain ever-present through the best and worst of times. You know that this tender ache is beautiful, but can’t quite put your finger on why. Right now, you may have a title attached to this longing as “singleness,” or “working your way to the top,” in terms of a job, or side-career. But when that title is stripped away, and you have obtained these things; you will be left puzzled because the longing that should have gone away, does not. When you are married and successful; it will still be there. This lonely sensation of longing will always come back to haunt you, even in life’s greatest chapters.

There is a beautiful brokenness inside us all. This desire for something bigger than ourselves; a gap that only God’s holiness can fill. We will always feel the sensation of cold air blowing through our hearts on this side of heaven. The infinity-shaped window in each of us cannot be shut. This open window was designed to remind us of our true home.

We are all desperately longing to be reunited with The Creator. Whether we acknowledge the truth is our choice; but it is a choice that will either free or condemn us. We belong with God. Praise Jesus for paying the price of our debt-owed, so that we can have an eternal connection with God.

Younger me, do your best at developing lifelong friendships; pursue your hobbies and interests; but most importantly love and know Jesus. The Savior will one day fulfill your heart’s mysterious beautiful desire; but in the meantime, live for Christ unashamed. Be careful not to belittle this longing inside of you. It is not singleness, success, or anything else the deceiver tells you. The holy window inside of you is meant to be filled with God’s glorious light. Only then will your heart be completely filled with His warm love.

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